As the world celebrates Father’s Day, it’s time to redefine what makes a man a “real” father—beyond finances and biology—to presence, sacrifice, emotional support, and spiritual leadership.
Ibadan, Nigeria — As Father’s Day dawned across the globe, the internet erupted in tributes—messages, songs, and poems celebrating fatherhood. Most of the posts bore familiar phrases: “To all responsible fathers,” or “To the real dads out there.” But this year, I took a step back. I read. I listened. And then I pondered deeply.
What makes a man a “responsible” or “real” father?
It’s a question often lost beneath the noise of praise and pain, especially from men who feel abandoned in old age, despite years of hard work, financial provision, and emotional silence. Some fathers express deep frustration, accusing their wives of turning their children’s hearts against them. They wonder why their children, now successful, choose to prioritize their mothers when repaying care with overseas invitations or financial support.
Their lament is simple yet profound: “Why did my sacrifice feel like a waste?”
Fatherhood Is Not a Transaction
Let’s be honest—sperm donation or bill payment alone doesn’t qualify a man as a father. Even the most generous philanthropist can settle school fees. Even a stranger can fund a child’s dreams.
True fatherhood goes far beyond biological contribution or financial responsibility.
It requires presence. It requires participation. It requires heart.
Imagine a father as a locomotive pulling multiple coaches, each loaded with distinct responsibilities. One coach carries emotional strength, another carries discipline, another carries empathy, yet another wisdom, and others loaded with protection, spirituality, and daily sacrifice. A responsible father must pull every coach to the end of the journey without disconnecting a single one.
Failure to carry just one of these burdens could derail the entire train.
The Father’s Invisible Load
A real father is God’s complex masterpiece with many layers—often invisible, yet indispensable. His roles stretch far beyond pay slips and power tools.
He is:
- The Chief Security Officer of his home, never cowering behind his wife when danger looms.
- The Spiritual Commander-in-Chief, standing in the gap during spiritual battles and shielding his family through prayer.
- The Chief Medical Officer, instinctively sensing illness and pursuing care.
- The Central Bank, even when the vault is empty.
- The Counselor, listening to unspoken fears.
- The Teacher, helping with homework and attending school functions.
- The Emotional Anchor, providing calm in the storms of growing up.
- The Homemaker, not ashamed to wash, cook, clean, and prepare school lunchboxes when needed.
These roles rarely come with applause. Often, fathers perform them silently. Yet, without their execution, families falter.
Why Children Favour Mothers More Often
It is not magic or manipulation.
Children see. They feel. They remember.
When a father becomes only a transaction machine, offering bills but no bonding, correction without connection, or provision without presence, the warmth of their mother’s constant care, sacrifices, and emotional presence often eclipses him.
Many men avoid nurturing duties, dismissing them as “women’s roles.” They ignore the power of bedtime stories, shared chores, family prayers, and emotional support. They hide behind “I’m providing,” while slowly becoming strangers in their own homes.
In contrast, children are more likely to reward the parent who stayed emotionally available, physically present, and lovingly involved.
The New Model of Fatherhood
Fathers must evolve. The traditional image of a father as merely the distant provider is outdated and ineffective.
We must embrace fatherhood as a multi-dimensional calling:
- Cook that meal.
- Change that diaper.
- Pray over your children.
- Join your daughter’s PTA.
- Teach your son to love, not just lead.
- Let your children see you cry and heal.
This is the new masculinity. This is the new fatherhood. It is not weakness—it is wisdom.
The Legacy Fathers Leave
In the end, children will not remember how much you earned—but how much you loved, how present you were, how safe they felt, and how hard you tried.
If fathers want to be loved back in old age, they must plant seeds of presence, nurture, and connection today. Their value must not lie in utility, but in irreplaceability.
Let Father’s Day be more than a social media event. Let it spark a revolution in how we raise sons and daughters—and how men define themselves not just as providers, but as protectors, pastors, partners, and parents in the fullest sense of the word.
Happy Father’s Day to every man doing the real work—seen or unseen. Your reward is beyond words.
